In past articles we have discussed the steps of grieving and why it is important to do the work of grief in each step. Today we will discuss what moving on looks like as you start to recover your life after a major loss. For those of you just joining our discussion, here is a summary of the first steps of grieving:
- Face the loss and move through denial and bewilderment. Embrace the emotions of the loss and secondary losses that come with it.
- Do the work of grief while processing the emotional spirals and waves that loss brings.
- The depth of the grief that you go through is directly proportional to the relationship you had with what you lost. Whether it is a death of a person, pet, job, career, home, health, etc., every person’s journey through grief will be different and personal to them.
- And, finally, today’s topic: The hard work of grief brings you to the point of necessary changes, making difficult adjustments, and learning to live in healthy ways with your loss.
Moving on is an important part of learning to live in the future. It is ok to move forward and plan for a future that looks different. It is ok to enjoy the process of growth and what life will look like in the future. For some, it can be a new beginning of planning, dreaming, and exploring possibilities while rebuilding their life with new purpose and meaning. These people choose to invest in their pain and suffering to embrace a new future and to help others who are suffering in some way. They have moved through “Why did this happen?” into “What can I do with this?” and “How can I learn from this experience?” When grieving people are ready, they start the search for meaning and purpose to honor their experiences.
When you are ready to move forward you may need to:
- Change the relationship that you lost by accepting all the secondary losses. (e.g. you are no longer married or dating that person, you are no longer responsible for or to them now, you don’t have to be accountable to that boss any longer, etc.)
- Choosing the courage and determination to move forward with life while learning to honor your loss in a healthy manner.
- Develop a new relationship with the loss and find ways to keep the memory of the person you loved alive. You can wonder how they would react to your choices now, or how they would encourage you to move on in your lives. What other ways can you choose to keep their memory alive?
- Learning to move on requires balancing your new reality with your memories. It is healthy to create new memories and enjoy life while cherishing the memories of the one you lost. This helps you develop our new relationship with your loss.
Wherever you are in the grieving process, know that you are right where you need to be. You will get through this when you are ready. Grief always takes longer than we want it too and it is always way more complex and difficult than we can imagine. Grief does not have a cookie-cutter solution and must be personally experienced by each person. We are all suffering a loss of some kind every day. You are not alone. We are here to help you with your grief journey.
Written by Kimberly Talmey
