We are a culture that values doing things and being busy, so we put on a brave face and get it done, no matter the costs. We make our plans, to-do lists, set 5 or 10-year goals for our future, and work diligently to make them a reality. This is a great way to achieve success, promotion, and feel accomplished in our lives. Our culture values these qualities sometimes to the detriment of our mental health. I certainly have this can-do attitude in my life and my family values. But what happens when this attitude meets our pain and suffering? What happens when we decide to soldier on instead of making room for the pain and suffering in our life?
Let’s face it, no one wants to feel the pain and suffering that comes from a loss. Grieving is hard work that is exhausting both emotionally and physically. Nevertheless, grieving is exactly what we need to do when we experience a loss. The longer we avoid the pain, anguish, and secondary losses that come with our loss, the longer it takes to come to terms with our new life circumstances. If we do not acknowledge and grieve our pain, then our pain will deal with us at some point in our lifetime. When we do not allow ourselves to honestly feel the fears, anguish, suffering, even physical pain that a loss can bring, we can find ourselves fighting with depression, having anxiety attacks, or a combination of both. Stuffing or avoiding our strong negative emotions can lead to divorce, anger or rage issues, mental health issues, and for some, suicidal tendencies.
Loss is a normal part of life that we all experience. With time, we can learn to grieve, allow ourselves to feel strong, negative emotions, address our thoughts, and eventually allow the changes grief causes to bring new meaning and purpose through our suffering. It is the only healthy way. Any other way of dealing with pain and suffering brings us into an unhealthy place either emotionally or mentally. Although this time is very uncomfortable and difficult, the more fully we allow ourselves to grieve and express our emotions, the more we can learn to find joy and peace in our pain.
If you would like to know more about finding hope in your losses, then stay connected to this newsletter. Programs are coming this fall on how we can choose to Grieve back to Hope. Together we can learn how grieving is just as healthy and important to our wellbeing as joy is.
Written by Kimberly Talmey
