Are the holidays making you cringe this year? It is ok not to be ok during the holidays. It is ok not to want to celebrate all the festivities of this season. The meaning of this season is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ our Savior but have you truly looked at the story of Jesus’ birth from the lens of grief? The whole story of Mary and Joseph has so many elements of overcoming hardships: traveling during the holidays, no rooms for rent, being born in a barn, sleeping in a manger, and all the hardships of a baby being born out of wedlock and the stigma of the cultures and times. If you put yourself in either Mary or Joseph’s shoes you can see that there were many reasons to grieve, yet there was joy too! Grief is like that. We can have joy and deep sorrow at the same time. We can feel like being completely alone and yet yearn to join in the festivities. These are all normal responses to grieving. Feeling overwhelmed during this season is also normal. Here are a few tips to help you with the approaching holiday season to help you feel less overwhelmed this season:
- Plan ahead: Anticipate the invitations that you might want to do. Contact the host and tell them that you may attend but if you feel overwhelmed you will quietly slip out the back door. It is okay to leave when you need to.
- Learn the swap technique: No one wants to be asked how you are doing when you are feeling so fragile. Use the swap technique when asked how you are doing by answering with a prompting question of your own that would interest the other person. For example: You respond with. “I heard that you got a new promotion at work.”
- Buy the Gift: Buy the gift for the person you lost! Take that gift and honor someone in their name with the gift! You are keeping their spirit alive and honoring their place in your lives. It also feels good to do good things for other people.
- Find someplace to serve others: It is a great feeling to help others who are less fortunate than we are, especially during the holidays. Maybe this is a new tradition for you or maybe you are honoring a tradition that your lost loved one did each year. Either way, it helps to serve others and gives our grief perspective.
- Don’t decorate if you don’t want to: You might not be ready for all the lights and decorations that symbolize all the joy of the season. That is ok! Do as much as you want to do or start new decorating traditions. Don’t overwhelm yourself by thinking you have to do anything.
- Include your lost ones in your traditions: Address the elephant in the room, parties, etc. by making space for their memories. Talk about them, tell the stories of the way they touched your life, and talk about the love you shared. It can be hard to listen to, but this does help your grief to hear them talked about and the love that was shared.
If you would like to learn more about how you can incorporate the memory of your loved one into your new holiday traditions then come to Oliver’s Funeral Home on December 13th, 2023 at 6:30 pm to make a decoration to celebrate your love for your lost ones with others who are going through this season as well. There is a small cost to cover supplies. Please bring small items that you want to include in an ornament.
To register, visit: oliversfuneralhome.com/christmas-memories/
