Grief is the normal, emotional reaction to a loss. Every time you grieve, it is because of a loss, but you won’t necessarily have intense grief with every loss. The intensity varies according to the type of loss, the degree of emotional bonding, and the investment in what was lost. When we are grieving, we rarely grieve the loss of just one thing but multiple intertwined losses that add to the intensity of our grief.
When seeking to resolve some of the intensity of grieving emotions we can aim for three goals:
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Identify and experience the full range of your emotional upheaval.
Do not run away from the intensity of your feelings but embrace them and allow yourself to grieve what you are feeling. Some ways of doing that may include crying, journaling, making memory boards, memorializing your memories of your lost loved one by scrapbooking, or going to the gravesite or columbarium as a physical place to remember the love and fun you shared.
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Identify the changes that need to take
When grieving a death loss multiple complex changes happen within surviving family and friends. These changes can add to the intensity of the emotional upheaval and make grieving more difficult. This can also drive us to make choices that we may regret later or must go back and rectify.
After a loss:
- Make a list of all the changes that come from this loss
- Identify what you are feeling with each change listed
- Decide if you must deal with it right now or can you deal with it later
- Talk to someone that has gone through a major life transition and found some peace.
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Identify any unfinished business.
Sometimes there are things that need to be said or forgiveness that needs to be expressed after the loss. We can be creative in ways to accomplish any unfinished business we still have. You can:
- Write a letter to the deceased about how you feel or felt about the loss and read it out loud to the person.
- Write a letter of forgiveness to yourself and your lost loved one. Talk to them about it at the gravesite or the columbarium, pray about forgiveness and take actions to forgive, and realize that for you to move into the future without being stuck in your grief you have to complete the unfinished business.
When we recognize the loss and the emotional upheaval that comes with a deeper loss, we can choose how we deal with the overwhelming emotions. If you would like to work on these suggestions in a small group, then join us for a workshop on September 10, 2022.
Understanding Healthy Adult Grieving and the Difference in Grieving
Oliver’s Funeral Home from 9:00 am – 12:00 pm.
There is a small fee of 35.00/person and pre-registration is required.
Watch for the Registration form coming in July!
Written by Kimberly Talmey
